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Wed, Apr. 21st, 2004, 07:23 pm
(also) Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

Let me run with you tonight,
I'll take you on a moonlight ride,
There's someone I used to see,
But she don't give a damn for me.

But let me get to the point,
Lets roll, another joint,
And turn the radio loud,
Until I long, to be proud,
You dont know how it feels,
no you don't know how it feels,
to be me--

People come, people go,
Some grow young,
Some grow old,
I woke up, in between,
Memory, in the dream.


My old man, was born to rock,
And he's still trying to beat the clock,
Think of me what you will,
I've got a little, space to fill,


You don't know how it feels,
You don't know how it feels,
No you don't know how it feels,
To be me--.

Wed, Apr. 21st, 2004, 07:21 pm
Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

She grew up in an Indiana town,
Had a good-looking' mama who never was around.
But she grew up tall and she grew up right
With them Indiana boys on them Indiana nights.

Well, she moved down here at the age of eighteen.
She blew the boys away, was more than they'd seen.
I was introduced and we both started groovin'.
I said, "I dig you baby, but I got to keep movin' on.
Keep movin' on."

Last dance with Mary Jane, one more time to kill the pain.
I feel summer creepin' in and I'm tired of this town again.

Well, I don't know, but I've been told,
You never slow down, you never grow old.
I'm tired of screwin' up, tired of going down,
Tired of myself, tired of this town.

Oh, my, my. Oh, hell, yes.
Honey, put on that party dress.
Buy me a drink, sing me a song.
Take me as I come 'cause I can't stay long.

Last dance with Mary Jane, one more time to kill the pain.
I feel summer creepin' in and I'm tired of this town again.

There's pigeons down on Market Square.
She's standin' in her underwear,
Lookin' down from a hotel room.
Nightfall will be comin' soon.

Oh, my, my. Oh, hell, yes.
You got to put on that party dress.
It was too cold to cry when I woke up alone.
I hit my last number and walked to the road.

Last dance with Mary Jane, one more time to kill the pain.
I feel summer creepin' in and I'm tired of this town again.

Wed, Apr. 21st, 2004, 06:10 pm

Paranoid:Very High
Borderline:Very High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --


Mon, Mar. 29th, 2004, 07:25 pm

it seems things are fine untill i am alone. i remember things. and i see how lonely others are. these things bring me down.
i think about my dad and my mom.

she broke down today say my dad couldnt take care of us ne more. that we needed to fend for ourselves. she doesnt realize i have been doing that all along.

last night i dreamed about andy and what he did to me. like i was reliving it all over again. i wanted to die. i hate thinking about him and what he did. makes me feel so dirty. alone.

i wonder if things will ever change or if i will always be the same. always stuck here.

Mon, Mar. 29th, 2004, 11:16 am

i hate being sick. it makes me feel soo dirty.
i hate being tired. it makes me feel so weak.

Tue, Mar. 9th, 2004, 01:21 pm

so im in video tech rite now. yep. fun fun fun. mmhhmm. ok im lieing. a lot. i suppose that makes me a liar. oh well. fuck it.

so yea good times. god i think i might die. well no, i dont think i will i just hope i will. thats how boring this class is. sad i know.

so its mine and eriks two months today. yay us! ok im done. for now.

i hate laptops. the keyboard sux. its so far away.oh well. im over it.
erik and i are going to take pictures today. i hope they dont end up horrible but most likely they will cause we both have bad luck and i take terrible pictures.

any good movie suggestions? ccause we r also gonna see a movie we just dont know what to see. but no worries i guess.

anywho i gotta fake sick and get a pass to go see erik. byebye


Wed, Mar. 3rd, 2004, 05:26 pm

got back from reno yesterday. we got snowed in. it was kool. it was the first time i had ever been in snow before so it was pretty awesome. the only part i didnt like was having to come back home. that sucked really bad. you dont know how temping it was...i could have just walked away. it would have been that simple. it took so much will power to not get up and leave.
but i guess its ok cuz i came home and got to see erik. i missed him so much. he didnt call me. :( haha just kidding! i told jr about leaving. he feels the same. im gonna tell him when i go...if i can.

anywho i am gonna go.

Thu, Feb. 26th, 2004, 06:46 pm
the hanged man- the magician

"I take off my shoes and walk down among the hibiscus and ivy where it is wet and dark. Palm trees are outlined against the greenish night sky like part of Cannon's menagerie.
And I see him, Jack, sitting by the creek that runs along the edge of Cannons property. His head is down and there are shadows on his shoulders and spine like hands, like caresses.
I came up to him, close enough to touch him, and he turns around. His head looms, dark and toothy and wild and furred-the head of a bear on his pale body.
I have been wondering for a long time if I can still bleed. The doctor says it's because I don't eat. I feel like one of those people in a movie I saw on TV once with my father where all the people's blood dries up like chalk and sometimes I feel like that, like one of those bloodless people. Sometimes I think about that movie and I remember how my father said he wondered what kind of mind made up a disease like that and I think that no one could have imagined a disease like the one now, the way people are dying now, dying as their blood mingles. But I want this man to show me my blood. I want him to make it run down my neck and the flesh along the insides of my arms. The teeth sinking into flesh, tearing flesh like wet silk."

Wed, Feb. 25th, 2004, 08:13 pm

this was originaly a reply to a comment someone left in my journal, but i decided to post it.

i love you too. and if i do leave, i will come back. things here are goin to shit and they have been for a while now, and people tell me to just stick it out a lil longer, but what they dont realize is i have been doing that for a really long time now. ever since that first time in Vegas, i have been having to keep myself from gettin up in the middle of the night and just walkin away. before, all i could do to get away was to go somewhere for a few hours or lock myself in my room and sleep. now, i try but i just cant seem to sleep and when i go somewhere i find myself bringin all this shit with me. its like its takin over my life. all this stuff keeps addin up and i cant get away from it. if i leave, i wont have to think about any of this crap anymore and i could just breath for once. because it feels like breathing is something i havent done in a long time. it feels like i have been in this never ending dazed state for weeks. everything is starting to blend together and i cant tell things apart anymore. like im not living, im just being.

Tue, Feb. 24th, 2004, 09:10 pm
The Hanged Man-The Devil

"Do you know about Rose Red and Rose White?"Claudia asks Jack.
"Tell me"
"They were sisters. They met this bear."
"Who gets the bear?"Claudia asks me
"Rose White or Rose Red?"
"They both do." I say.
"I think I like this story,"said Jack. "You must be Rose Red," he says to Claudia. "I think the point was for them to blend togerther, for Rose White to get a little wilder and for Rose Red to cool down."
"Never,"says Claudia laughing.
"What about you Rose White?" Jack says.
"Im trying," I say.
"But you still won't eat chocolate or meat or anything."Claudia pinches me, teasing.
"And you deny your violence," Jack says. Then he looks at Claudia. "And you pretend that your not delicate too."

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